


Winter Lady

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 08:24:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8365000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: To the surprise of all, the Herald is an Avvar woman barely of age who serves a fertility goddess. As part of her practices, she is meant to bare a child with Lowland blood for her tribe. She immediately sets upon this task, earning her scorn from the more prudish members of the Inquisition and the adoration of those she heals through their interludes. This grows only more complicated as months go by without becoming pregnant and she finds herself falling in love. Written for a kink-meme prompt





	1. Chapter 1

Rydda An Homalea O She-Bear was barely nineteen common years old when she fell out of the Fade. For more reasons then one, the Inquisition officers stared at her. Many had never seen an Avaar woman before and the bright red hair common to her people was rare among the Lowlanders. She was young, certainly, tanned and freckled, and due to her tribe's customary fashion, nearly bare from her neck down to her navel and her legs were covered in pelts of soft white fur. Hanging between her breasts was the symbol of the goddess Juhani, an amulet of descending bronze rose petals. Her breasts themselves were covered each by a white handprint, obscuring much of her small mounds, but the exertion of the day's events had caused her to sweat much of the paste off.

Needless to say, the first thing Cassandra Pentaghast did upon bringing her into custody was to find her a shirt.

Rydda cooperated easily with the lowlanders in attempting to close the Breach, feeling the energy coming from the tears in the Fade. The Spirits warned her of demons and others crossing over and she listened, allowing their magic to flow through her, supplementing her own.

After all was said and done and she woke in Haven, Rydda tried to process what had exactly happened. The Spirits could only tell her so much, but it was enough to know that Andraste had not pulled her from the Fade and that her Mark was unique. There had not been a being with her abilities before and there would never be again. She was needed here and she had a responsibility to serve the Inquisition, one that superseded her responsibilities to the She-Bear clan.

Rydda said as much when she went before the War Council and her revelations were met with quiet disbelief. They seemed to be relieved that she had agreed to help and let her claims go.

The clean-shaven elf who had protected her in her dreams seemed particularly interested in her thoughts and followed her back to her cabin to discuss it in more depth. 

Rydda took off the shirt the Lowlanders had forced her to wear, noting Solas catching his breath. 

"You have been among the Spirits for a long time," Rydda chuckled. "You have forgotten the benefits of the mortal flesh."

Solas admitted, "It has been some time, but it would be wrong of me to...indulge."

"Because of your nature, wolf? I know not exactly what you are, but I can sense that you are not entirely mortal, are you? I am not afraid of you."

Solas raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You are that in tune with the Fade?" 

"Our shaman are by nature," she said, stripping out of the rest of her clothes. "I was raised to be in commune with those on both sides of the Fade, to understand the needs and desires of mortal flesh and those who wish to inhabit it."

Solas' voice wavered slightly. "You do not know who you are inviting to lie with you, Herald. It would be unwise."

She said softly, "It is my nature to give what is needed most. How long has it been since someone has touched you? Since someone has looked you in the eyes and unraveled beneath you? Be with me and find some solace, trickster." 

Solas gasped and kissed her hard. He fumbled out of his clothes, grasping at her. By the time he was naked, they were already on the bed, entangled with each other. He pinned her down and took her, his mouth on every part of her he could reach while thrusting into her.

Rydda threw her head back, the tension rising in her belly. She wrapped her legs around him, silently pleading for him to ride her harder, to take apart of every part of her for his own needs. She said a quick prayer before tracing her fingers down his spine, lulling him to a desperate climax.

He pounded into her, gripping her hips so tightly they would bruise. She whispered his name, his true name again and again, until he filled her again with a cry that rang as much with relief as pleasure. 

Solas rolled away and looked at her in awe. She grinned at him.

"Do not forget the needs of the flesh, Solas," she said kindly. "You have dreamed for too long and forgotten what it means to be mortal. Be gentler with yourself."

He kissed her again and she snuggled into him. He kissed her skin, nipping her shoulder with his teeth.

"I need more of you," he whispered. 

She kissed him. "Take your fill."

***

By the time they reached the Hinterlands, Varric started teasing Solas about the spring in his step. The elf blushed but Rydda was proud of herself. It was good that even among the Lowlanders she could do Juhani's work. Solas had stopped coming to her, but he had been certainly more cheerful and she could feel his own spells being casted more smoothly. By connecting to the earth more fully he could truly reach back into the Fade without being lost in it.

Varric and Rydda took first watch at camp that night, letting Solas and Cassandra sleep. Rydda was grateful to be under the stars again, feeling more connected to the Lady of the Skies as she had been since arriving in Haven.

Varric said, "So you've got to tell me. What did you do to Chuckles? Start slipping him liquor? Took the stick out of his ass? What? I've got to learn it just in case something happens to you and we're stuck with him." 

She laughed. "Men are happiest when their era'do is adjusted. It is like your crossbow. It does not perform well unless it is calibrated, does it not?"

"Bianca always does well enough for herself."

"I did not mean to offend," she teased. 

"So what does era'do mean? Is it an Avvar term?"

Rydda smiled. "I had forgotten. You are the storyteller, are you not? I read some of your books while I recovered. I like your detective stories. I do not understand some of the references, but I like mysteries. We do not tell stories like that among my people. We like directness and honesty. It is refreshing to read a good liar."

He grinned. "I have always prided myself on that, sweetheart, but you didn't answer my question. What does it mean?"

Rydda turned to face him, admiring his strong jaw and roguish smile. "The era'do is the surface of the soul. Sometimes it is twisted or bent, like a piece of metal. My training is to heat it, to shape it, and return it to how it is meant to be. Maybe that is not the best analogy. It is more like resetting a bone and healing it."

"You're a healer?"

"Of sorts," Rydda explained. "It is part of the way I serve Juhani."

"Tell me about her."

She giggled. "Storyteller, you do not expect me to give up every secret at once, do you not? Is not a plot best told as it slowly unwinds?"

Varric shuffled closer to her, nearing the end of the log he sat on. "Tell me about her, sweetheart, and I promise that I won't pester you anymore tonight."

"Never pestering," she promised. "I just worry you won't find me interesting anymore once you have me all figured out."

"You're not giving yourself enough credit. I think I could study you for years and still uncover more and more of you. You're a better mystery than even I could write."

Rydda blushed. "You flatter me."

He admitted, "You make me want to do more than flatter you. Come on. Tell me about the Goddess you serve."

Rydda came towards him on hands and knees, stopping mere inches from him. She sat back on her heels, looking up into his eyes. She put her hand on his knee. She saw him swallow hard.

"Juhani gives me the strength to smooth souls," she said. "To give people what they truly need. I heal souls through their bodies. I help correct their era'do. I help them achieve pleasure and bring forth life."

She traced the jaw she admired so much and he asked shakily. "And um, how do you do that, exactly?"

She leaned in, brushing her lips against his. "You're a writer. You know it's better to show than tell."

Varric kissed her, running his hands through her hair. With the inherent strength of her people, she picked him up and brought him into her tent. She unwrapped her furs and he freed himself from his trousers. 

She straddled him and slid him into her. He sat up, burying his face in her breasts as she rode him. He kissed her tender skin, taking her nipples into his mouth. She groaned, grasping onto his hair. She opened her own heart, feeling his loneliness. She held him closer, letting him find rest in her arms. 

His orgasm was quiet, almost gentle beneath her. He gasped and groaned, whispering a name that was not hers into her skin. Varric rolled her beneath him and brought her to climax with his mouth and fingers, even with his seed in her. Breathless, he wiped his mouth and brought her to lay on his chest. 

"You're right," he laughed tiredly. "Much better to show."

"Who was the woman you thought of?" She asked gently. 

Varric looked sheepish. "Sorry, I didn't to make you feel like-Maker, I'm an asshole."

"Varric, this is what I do. I could feel your heart longing for her. I felt your pain as my own, if only as a flash. Tell me whose name you called."

Varric admitted, "It makes me feel even more like an asshole, though. See, I'm sort of with someone. We've been on and off together for years. She's married to someone else and we can't be together. I always thought that was my story, you know? Star-crossed lovers. But lately...I keep thinking about someone else. And I know I don't owe my old flame anything, we've got no commitments, but this girl...Herald, I keep thinking about her when I don't have the right to. She's too good for me. I don't deserve her. I always thought I'd be okay with just being her friend, but since I left Kirkwall, I miss her. I keep thinking what if I die out here and I never get the chance to tell her. Maybe that would be better, I don't know. But I try not to think about her when I'm, you know, doing some stress relieving. But I..."

Varric apologized, "Sorry, I-um-"

Rydda kissed his forehead. "I cannot fix your era'do, Varric. This is something you must do on your own. To be in flux with two loves, it is not healthy. Search inside yourself and you will know what your heart truly wants. But it does deserve love. Whoever this girl is, she can only benefit from your goodness, even if she does not feel the same for you."

Varric kissed her and murmured, "Thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

If Rydda had a weakest part of her body, it was her ears. She never had great hearing and had no talent or skill at music. Her father had described her as a being of winter, of needing cold crisp winds to guide her, for all the world to be sleeping for her to walk through it with grace. It was a mild insult, but the pet name had always stuck. Winterchild. All in all, it was a sweet way to tease her about her imperfect hearing.

But even she could hear the War Council speak of her from their chamber, as clearly as if she was in the room with them. She knew she should make her presence known, but she was curious.

"Both of them?"

"At the same time?"

"No, of course not, but one after the other and I saw her flirting with one of the shopkeepers and he seemed very interested. We must speak to her and soon, before rumours of this spread."

"Are they not jealous of each other, Solas and Varric?"

"They seem both...content. It is very odd."

Rydda opened the door and Cassandra jumped back, going bright red.

Josephine cleared her throat. "Herald, we were just discussing your voyage to Val Royeaux. Perhaps there are some things about Orlais and its culture that we should clarify before you approach the capital."

"In regards to?"

"For one thing," Leilana said, "typically Orlesians wear many layers of clothes in all seasons and do not bare their chests so easily. It might be considered in poor taste."

"I will not wear their finery," Rydda protested, "it is an insult to the earth."

"Please at least consider a dress," Josephine pleaded.

"Fine," Rydda agreed, "but I must know the craftsperson who makes it. The materials must be acceptable to the lands."

"We can arrange that," Josephine assured. "There is a tailor among the refugees. She will be able to create clothing for you that suit the purpose."

"Was there anything else?" Rydda asked, glancing at Cassandra.

"Your...er...conduct around camp," Cullen stammered, blushing. "Not that we wish to discourage you from spending time with the troops, but..."

Josephine explained, "You may have noticed in your travels the prudish tendencies of those living in Ferelden. They are generally a nervous people around sex. But the Orlesians use it as a game. We would ask that you..."

"Restrain yourself," Cassandra finished. "Perhaps limiting your partners for now."

Rydda frowned. "You would ask me to stop my service to Juhani? For what purpose? To not offend the heathens to the west? I will not flatter their egos when they hunt down my people. I do not allow those of Ferelden who share my lands to shame me, I will not let those of blood-silk to keep me from my goddess."

The three advisors looked to Josephine. The diplomat looked equally confused.

Josephine said kindly, "We would not want to impose on you, Herald. But for the sake of our mission, would you consider at least performing your-um-rites more discreetly for now. Just until we make contact with the Templars."

Rydda said quietly, "As you wish."

Cullen offered, "Perhaps I can share a bit more about Ferelden culture. I imagine we will be working with nobility in the country, it might be helpful for the Herald to have a more thorough understanding."

Rydda met his eyes. "I agree, that would be helpful, Commander."

Cassandra said, "Then we will seek you out when we are to depart. I will leave you to your studies for now."

Cassandra glared at her as she and the two other women left the room. Cullen turned to leave as well and Rydda put her hand on his.

"Perhaps a walk?" She suggested. "It might help your headache."

"Was it that obvious?" He sighed. "I keep feeling it just behind my eyes."

"Some fresh air will help," she promised. 

Cullen took her arm in his and they walked into the forests. She shivered and he put his cloak around her. They talked for a time of the weather and other things of little substance as she knew those of Ferelden liked to do. 

"How's your head?" She asked.

"A little better," he admitted. "I am making some lifestyle changes. My body is not pleased with the process, to say the least, but it will be better in the long run."

"Have you gone to see a healer? Headaches can be quite debilitating and you need all the rest you can get in these times. Have you been sleeping well?"

"No," he said, "but I do not know if that is stress or withdrawal."

He caught himself on the last word and she shook her head. "I will not say a word to your colleagues, I promise you that. I only wish to ease your pain."

"Is that what your rites entail?" He asked. "You use sex to fix people?" 

"You do not approve?"

Cullen blushed. "No, not really. You can do what you wish, of course. I'm just curious. And you are, well, it would be hard for many men to think clearly around you."

Rydda smiled. "Sex is one of many tools, but it is the one that Juhani has given me to use best. She is a goddess of comfort, of fertility, of renewal. I serve her by renewing the souls of my people and bringing forth new life. For some, sex can bring them closure, can ease their minds, can make them feel like they are no longer alone. But for some, it can simply be a release and one that can aid the body heal. And I personally know that climax can often ease a headache."

She put her hand on his chest, feeling his heart race beneath her touch. "Let me help you sleep, Commander. Let me help you feel peace."

"There is a cabin just beyond that hill," Cullen said breathlessly. 

"You've been hard for me since the War Room," she whispered, "and my body has been aching for yours. Do not make us wait longer."

He picked her up and carried her the last few feet. Once they were over the threshold, his mouth was on hers. The room was cold and dark, but there was enough moon lit enough for them to see the other. Their bodies met on the bare mattress and he took her from behind, still clad, only his cock free to pound into her. His hand reached between them, rubbing her sex, coaxing her to find her own release before slamming into her. His other hand grasped at her breast, smearing her paint. She shuddered again, imaging how soon her breasts would grow. How they would leak for her lover when she was swollen. 

This could be the one, she thought, this could be the father to my child. Her daughter would be tall, strong, as fair headed as many of her clan. She prayed to the goddess then, Cullen's hand brushing against her amulet as he played with her nipples. 

He grunted as he came, his thrusts shallow and quick. He rolled her on top of him and kissed her, letting her ride to her completion against his softening cock.

When he caught his breath, he asked, "Can your lovers have you more than once?"

Rydda grinned. "Come to me whenever your body aches and I shall ease your burdens, Commander. Though you should not look so smug going to see your advisors again. Dear Cassandra will never speak to you again."

Cullen kissed her again. "It'd be worth it."

***

Rydda did not particularly care for the cotton dress she had been forced to wear, but it had be made to her specifications. Her amulet was visible, the dyes were of Ferelden plants, and no fabric had been wasted. She pinned her hair up as the Ferelden women did and wore her buckskin leggings to make up for her lack of smallclothes.

Cassandra still looked at her skeptically as they rode towards the city. Solas and Varric were chatting behind them, both giving little to no indication that they had both had passionate encounters with the Herald.

"Are you going to seduce me next?" Cassandra asked suspiciously.

Rydda laughed. "It is not seduction and regardless, you are safe Seeker. I do not approach those who are uninterested and I rarely invite women to my bed. There are others better suited to that. I was chosen to bring forth life and there are few women who can sire. So unless you among those precious rare of your gender, likely you and I will never make love."

Cassandra blushed. "Good then."

"However, if you ever change your mind..."

Cassandra went redder and Rydda giggled, "I jest, I promise. I appreciate your support as my advisor and my confidant. I will need you most in this city."

Cassandra relaxed. "Then you have my mind and my shield."

"And hopefully one day your friendship, but that comes with time."

The people of the city stared at Rydda, whispering about her presence. She spoke against the Lord Seeker, demanding that he put down his arms and join the cause. She was quickly rejected by both him and the Chantry sisters, though a few merchants agreed to go to Haven to trade supplies.

"It is not fair," Rydda said. "If I can leave my culture to assist the Inquisition, surely they can help their own kin. We have similar goals. If warring clans can put away their strife to slay dragons, then they should do the same."

"We are not leaving entirely empty handed," Cassandra reminded. "We will seek out Madame de Fer and this Red Jenny and gain more allies."

"Yes," Rydda agreed, "you are right. We do not need the Chantry."

"That is not what I said."

Rydda ignored her. "Am I well dressed enough for this party or will you force me to change anew?"

Cassandra sighed. "No, I would not dare."

***

Rydda felt the cramps as they approached Haven. She frowned, hoping it was merely hunger, but soon she felt the blood trickling down her thigh. She said nothing upon their return, immediately going to her cabin and locking all others out.

She bathed and sang the song of missing child, mourning that she had not created life. When she was cleaned and her inner wounds dressed, she dressed in her furs again, keeping her breasts covered with an undershirt she had stolen recently from Cullen after an interlude. 

She went to the War Room, saddened but attempting to stay positive. She had only been among the Lowlanders for a few weeks. It took some era'dosas months to conceive for the first time. Juhani would decide when and Rydda could only prepare her body the best she could and continue to invite life into her.

She went then with her people into the field, promising to herself that she would do her duty and not to judge herself too harshly for her failures.


	3. Chapter 3

They recruited Warden Blackwall on the way to confront the Avvar in the Fallow Mire. She felt more comfortable with him as a man wandering the lands over the soldiers of the Inquisition. She thought to lay with him, but she needed to understand his soul better. For he was aching, but his wound remained a mystery to her. She could not comfort him until she understood him. 

Rydda dressed as she would among her own clan, slightly nervous about the reaction of those they would face. If these were dishonourable men as she suspected, then an era'dosa might not be safe among them. There were those who always take what is good and corrupt it to their own desires and era'dosas were misunderstood by some who did not worship Juhani.

She defeated the Hand of Korth and freed her agents, most of whom confused her with one of their captors. Frustrated, she let the others process and brief them and she wandered from the camp to breathe. The other Avvar men had fled, leaving only the nomadic shaman behind. Their eyes had met before and now that she was alone he sought her out in the mossy fields.

"Era'dosa," he called out. "Herald of Andraste. Are you hiding from me?"

She smiled and met him at the stone cairns she had been using as a landmark. He grinned at her beneath his regalia and took off his helmet.

"You do not go with them, Sky Watcher?" She asked.

He laughed. "They are fools. I came only to find the tears in our Lady. I did not know it was one of ours who repairs her. The heathens must love that."

"They have not adjusted entirely," she agreed. "I am surprised you recognized what I am, Sky Watcher. My kind is not common in the south." 

"I have travelled much between clans," he said. "You are not the first I have met. Are you following the practices of Juhani among them? It must be difficult for you, either way. Though I imagine it would be worthy of you to bring home the child of a lowlander. The Lady of the Skies would bless new blood."

"It was chosen for me thus," she explained. "It was why I came to the Conclave. The Blight separated so many of us from each other."

"And have you become with child?" He asked.

"No," she admitted.

He cupped her chin. "You are young yet, era'dosa, and you have lived with them only a short time. Parentage matters more among them than you may realize. Be careful who you seek to have as sire."

Rydda confessed, "I fear I will not bear a child as long as I live among them. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I have angered Juhani."

"I will pray for you," he promised. 

Rydda smiled. "Thank you."

"I will be coming to Haven to serve the Inquisition. Perhaps we will see each other soon, era'dosa. Perhaps you will already be bearing fruit then."

She kissed him and he stepped back. "Herald-"

"You said that the lowlanders care about parentage," she said softly. "Lay with me then. Give me your child. Let me serve Juhani. Please."

"You tempt me," he confessed, "but we should not."

"Listen to the Lady of the Skies," Rydda said. "Listen to her thunder and tell me that she does not wish your heart to beat with mine. Tell me the rains are not her blessing baring down on us."

The Sky Watcher listened to the storm. His eyes met hers as the rain grew heavy. He kissed her and she pulled him to the ground. He sheltered her with his body, cradling her from the elements as she stroked him. She gasped as he entered her, thrusting quickly. This was not lovemaking. This was mating. Primal and raw. She grasped at him, her wet clothes sticking to his. His magic flowed through her, vibrating as if it were lightening, his groans in her ear thunder. She screamed as she came and he chanted an ancient fertility blessing in her ear, his tone almost dirty and profane. He slammed into her, not wasting a drop of his seed on the ground. 

Pleasure and guilt enveloped her. She was supposed to have a lowlander's child. She needed to bring new blood to her people, not mix it with one so similar to her. This had been lust on his part and desperation on hers. He seemed to realize it the moment that she did and they pulled apart.

The Sky Watcher brought her to her people and left her with an almost chaste kiss. Rydda went to her tent, feeling as if she blasphemed. To her surprise, it was Cassandra who came inside to comfort her.

Rydda was unsure how much she could tell her prudish friend, but Cassandra only asked if he had hurt her. When she answered no, Cassandra sat with her and the pair shared stories of their childhood. They eventually fell asleep side-by-side.

***

At Haven she let the advisors bicker about seeking the mages or Templars for assistance. She had little opinion in the matter. Among her kind, magic was respected and part of their religion. But her people were diligent about possession. Truthfully her rite of passage was not unlike the Harrowing. She saw that both groups had suffered and she wished to help them both. She was assured again and again that was not possible. So she left them to find a way to make it possible.

Seeking a place of calm, Rydda went into the forests and prayed to Juhani. Deep in her meditations, she was barely aware of another's presence until they had their hand on her shoulder. She spun around, grateful to see only Cullen.

"Have they found a way?" She asked.

Cullen shook his head. "My Lady, you must choose."

Rydda refused. "I will not condemn one group to save another."

"I beg you to consider going to the Templars," he pleaded. "I may not be one any longer but these are my brothers and sisters in arms. You have felt my suffering. Imagine hundreds of people who feel the same."

Rydda murmured, "My heart breaks for yours, but I do not know if I can side with the Chantry over the oppressed. If I were forced to choose...I think I know who I would pick. I'm sorry, Commander."

He smiled sadly. "I understand."

She stroked his cheek but he pulled away. 

***

They would go to Redcliffe to examine the situation first before making a definitive decision. But first they were to go to the Wounded Coast to examine the mercenary troop that had offered their services to them. 

Upon seeing the Iron Bull for the first time, her jaw dropped. She had heard of the Qunari, seen a sketch of one who had passed through the Frostbacks when she was a child, but this man...he was a giant. Horns like an ox, his skin thick and grey, almost like a dragon's. 

They walked down the coast and he told her of their skills and abilities. She agreed to hire them, still so stunned by his appearance that she could barely speak a word. The Bull's Chargers headed to Haven and her crew headed towards Redcliffe. 

***

Rydda did not announce herself coming into the village. She travelled separately from her companions and the mages did not notice another moving among them. She listened and observed before meeting up with the rest of her party at the tavern.

Upon hearing the bargain Alexius proposed and being warned by Dorian of the impending trap, Rydda decided it would be worth the risk to save the mages. Her heart felt lighter once the decision had been made, but Cullen avoided her presence. She understood. There was some pain she could not fix.

Rydda instead went down to the makeshift stables and found Blackwall helping the lone horse settle in. He looked over at her with a smile.

"It is good to see you, my Lady," he said cheerfully. "What do I owe the pleasure?"

Rydda stroked the horse's flank. "I have always felt safer outdoors and I sought company. You remind me much of my people and I find your presence soothing."

"Is it the beard?" 

Rydda chuckled. "Not entirely. You are a man who labours. You are large and strong and yes, hairy like my kind. I think you would make a good Avvar."

"Well, if the Wardens doesn't work out, I'll let you know," he said. "Come on, now. There is something on your mind. What troubles you?"

"I feel distant," she said, looking up at the Breach. "I feel as if I am disconnected to Juhani, ever since we came back from the Fallow Mire. I have not been doing my duties as I should."

"I saw that you were upset when we left, but I did not know you well enough to ask why. It must have been difficult having to fight your own people."

"No, that is not it. I was led astray and I do not know how to begin again. I need to reshape my era'do but I do not know where to go to."

Blackwall cleared his throat. "My Lady. Men talk around this camp. Mostly with flattery, I promise you, but this has to do with sex?"

She agreed, "Yes, but it is more than that to me. It is a moment when I am fulfilling my purpose, when I am closest to my goddess. I could go to any man, but I need a true connection. Someone I care for, who could love me and let me go."

She put her hand on his arm. "I admire you, Blackwall, and I need your help."

"That's a lot of pressure to put on a man," he said quietly.

"Maybe," she admitted, "but I would not ask unless I trusted you."

She kissed him under the moonlight and he smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"And if I fall for you?" He asked nervously.

"Then we fall together," she said, "but I know it will not come to pass. This is a celebration of our friendship, a fond memory to look back on when nights are cold and lonely for us both."

He kissed her softly and led her inside his cabin. The fire crackled as they settled into his small bed, wrapped in his fur blanket. Everything was done slowly, deliberately, and he touched her like he might break her. She tangled her thighs around him and they moved together so easily she could not tell where she ended and he began. He kissed her as if they were breathing together, slowly, steady. She buried her face in his shoulder, his warmth spreading through her.

By the time he spent himself in her, she was half in love with him. She wanted to spend her days and nights with him making love to her just as tenderly and softly. But she knew the reputation of Wardens. He likely could not give her a child and even if he managed one, she owed as many as she could to Juhani. It was best to pluck this flower, press it, and stow it away. 

She spent the night in his bed, having him as often as he could manage. In the sleepy interludes between, she dreamed of bearing his daughter. She dreamed of him in the world of her people, dressed as Avvar, living in the forests together. He would keep her with child and protect her against all elements. 

Yet in the morning, she dressed before he woke. She kissed his forehead and made her way back to her own cabin. Few were awake, but she passed Iron Bull whose face she could not read.


	4. Chapter 4

One would think if two incredibly talented mages, who were almost unique in their studies of magic, were forced to spend hours in an alternative future, they would spend their time discussing their craft.

Instead, they discussed men.

Rydda had realized Dorian's sexuality within moments of meeting him. She read his own hurts and desires as easily as Dorian read his books. Rydda in return felt confused about her experience with Blackwall. So they bonded as they battled their way through Redcliffe castle and upon from their return from that dark future, went drinking together in Redcliffe's newly liberated tavern.

Rydda had been drinking mead since she was young and easily out drank most of their companions. Most stumbled off to bed by the time she was starting to get buzzed. The only other who remained awake was the Iron Bull. 

Iron Bull poured them both a shot and they drank it back easily. The competition had never been discussed aloud, but both seemed to be waiting for the other to falter. Rydda refused to believe an Avvar woman could be out drunk and believing herself to not be pregnant, found no reason not defend her people's honour. 

They both drank a pint, discussing the finer points of Qunari culture. Rydda tried to analyze his face for a tell. Was the man getting any drunker or was he dumping it in a plant when she wasn't looking?

His profession made sense to her after studying him longer. He was a liar. She could respect a liar, particularly one that seemed to be relatively honest to her. 

"So, era'dosa," he said, lingering over the word as he sounded it out. "I thought you girls were just a thing of cheap paperbacks."

"We're not just women," Rydda explained. "There are people of all genders who serve as I do. There are just...I don't know the words in Common. Sires and Breeders. Those who can make children and those who can bare them. Only my kind are sent out to mate with lowlanders."

"I don't know how you can make unprotected sex sound so clinical," he chuckled. "You're ruining a fantasy of mine. I thought you'd be insatiable and having every man here twice. That's your thing, right? You need to get knocked up to serve the Avvar? It's like Tamas gone wild, I love it."

Rydda poured them both another pint. "It's a little more complicated than that."

"Not really. You're controlling bloodlines. You're just adding to it and the Qun subtract from it. And neither of our peoples like wearing shirts. You guys adapt to the heat and the Avvar and the Qunari could be best friends."

Rydda laughed. "I doubt that. We're both too stubborn and my people like to start wars anytime someone insults a goat. It wouldn't last long."

"Too bad," he teased. "I've always had a thing for redheads. Wouldn't be so bad if we had more of them around."

"Considering what I do as my spiritual practice, you seem to be much more fixated on sex than I am," she pointed out.

"I'm trying to get you to blush, Boss," he admitted. "I bet ten silvers to Krem that I could, but you're just barely pink from the drinking. I thought it'd be easy getting a redhead to blush. Like getting a kitten to purr."

"Then I'm afraid Mr. Aclassi will just be a little richer when we get back," she said, smirking. "Despite my reputation, I'm not easily had."

"Why are you not making the moves on me?" He asked. "I heard you got that tight lipped elf into the sack your first night. Am I too easy for you? A little too foreign for the Avvar? I don't mind; I can take one for the team." 

She explained, "I only bring people to bed who I understand, who I can make a connection with, even if it's just for a brief moment. Someone who can open their heart and be with me fully."

"And you think I'm that shallow?" He asked. "Ouch."

"No," she said. "I just don't think you can. Not right now. Maybe it's the Qun, maybe it's some trauma, but I can't feel your era'do. It wouldn't be right."

"I'm Qunari," he pointed out. "Maybe we don't have a "era'do" and you're just missing out on having a good time. I come with references."

Rydda finished her drink and stood up. "If it's just a good time, then I can find any man with good hands and a little bit of stamina. You're going to have to do better than that, Bull."

Bull grinned. "You're trouble, you know that?"

"So they tell me," she said. "Good night, Bull."

"Goodnight, Boss."

***

Rydda woke to a messenger hovering at her doorstep. She walked over to them, the poor boy nearly fainting at the sight of her naked. Rydda took the note and went back to bed, curling up under the sheets while she read it.

A hung over Dorian on the floor groaned, "What is it?"

Rydda reread it. "It's Queen Anora. She wants me to meet with her at an Estate just out of town. Alone. Should I be scared?"

Dorian reached out and grabbed the note. He read it briefly and handed it back.

"Probably not a trap," he confirmed and fell back asleep.

***

Rydda went to the Estate, dressed as modestly as she could. A servant led her into a suite of rooms on the upper level. Rydda tried her hardest not to be disgusted with the opulence and focus on why she might have been invited. This was the sort of thing she would have rather had Josephine help her with.

She came into a bedchamber where the servant left, closing the door behind them. The King and Queen of Ferelden sat on a chaise in front of the fire. She forgot to bow to either of them but neither of them seemed to care.

Anora gestured for her to sit in the chair across from them. She did so, glancing around the room nervously.

"I wanted to apologize for our harshness earlier," Anora said. "You can understand we were under a very stressful situation."

"Why am I here?" Rydda asked.

Alistair chuckled nervously. "I told you, the Avvar like to get down to business as soon as possible. It's their way."

Anora shot her husband a glance before turning back to Rydda. "We've heard much about you, Herald. Good things, I promise. I've heard of the magic that you practice. You can help heal people."

Rydda frowned. "Yes. Is there something you need from me?"

Anora explained, "We've been married for nearly ten years now and we've had no children. I was told that you can help men to...overcome their issues?"

Alistair went bright red and Rydda explained, "Grey Wardens typically cannot sire or bare a child, your Highness. It is not unusual."

"Yes, I know," Anora said impatiently, "but that will not work for us. We need an heir to this throne and I cannot seek someone else to father my child. It must be of the Theirin bloodline to gain any support from the Landsmeet. So can you do something to help us conceive or not?"

Rydda hesitated. She had been instructed in how to help couples in restoring fertility, but it was not something she practiced and was meant for the Avvar. Surely the magic could also work on lowlanders and now that she was attuned again she could do it, but she felt pressured to do so on the spot.

Alistair knelt before her and took her hands in his. "Herald, please understand that we are desperate. It is for the good of our country that we have a child and we both grow older. I...I may not have much time left. Please help us."

Rydda's heart softened. "Take off your clothes."

Alistair did so without complaint and stood naked and vulnerable before her. Rydda put her hands on his chest, feeling the raggedness of his soul. The darkness she might expect from someone so tainted, but a deep and profound angst. He believed he was dying and could feel that sadness radiate throughout him. The sensation nearly brought her to tears herself.

She shed her clothes and she traced her hands down his back, lingering over the many scars. Alistair lost some of his shyness, running his hand through her hair. She kissed him softly and he melted into her arms, losing himself to her touch. She led him over to the bed, conscious of Anora's eyes on them. 

"You should be part of this, your Highness," Rydda said to her. "There is only so much I can do. You need to be in harmony with each other too."

Anora hesitated and began undressing. Rydda spent that time kissing him, grinding her body against his. Anora sat on the bed beside them, her arms crossed over her breasts.

Rydda straddled him and brought him into her. He gasped out and she pressed her hands against his chest. She focused on her movements, but focused on his heart. It was heavy, both with grief and with the taint. She could not fix the latter entirely, but she might be able to bring it out. She focused on it, imagining it almost as bits of oil floating across water. She envisioned it collecting, dripping into a bowl. 

He groaned loudly and his heart raced beneath her hands. She was torn. If she was successful, the seed he was about to spend was useless, but she should not let him waste it on the sheets. She eventually decided to withdraw and finished him in her mouth, drinking it down.

She rose, wiping her mouth. Alistair looked a little tired, but still not sated. He kissed Rydda and pushed her on her back, taking her again, still hard as a rock. Anora kissed him and he shuddered, pulling his mouth to hers. Rydda rolled out and let him pleasure his wife. Anora wrapped her body around his and they moved together with the practice of those who knew each other's needs. It was rehearsed, yes, but more choreographed. The mechanics they had always known. They just needed to grow tenderness, to grow sympathy. Alistair might not be able to tell his wife he was sick, but in that moment he could tell her he loved her. 

The couple climaxed within moments of each other and lay in each other's arms. Rydda blessed them both and kissed both on the mouth before dressing and returning to the Tavern.

Her heart was heavy with Alistair's sadness and she could feel his burden in her own body. Needing relief, she sought out company and found her friends playing cards as they waited for her arrival. She smiled at the sight of them and was happy enough to hit the road with them back to Haven.

She walked beside Iron Bull, who was trying to hide his yawns.

"Are you hungover?" She teased.

"Tired from all the tavern maids," he said. "Had six of them, one after the other. Surprised I can walk today, Boss."

She gave him a look and he admitted, "I passed out about fifteen minutes after you left. I don't know what Fereldens put in their beer, but I'm going to need to grow another liver to handle it." 

She walked beside him for the rest of the day, laughing and ribbing each other.


	5. Chapter 5

Rydda's bloods were late by a few days. She grew excited, but kept it to herself for now. The Breach would be closed within hours and afterwards, there could be more time. If she was with child, she could stay off the battlefield and assist the Inquisition from afar. Her baby could be born in peacetime and when they were both ready, could go back to She-Bear Hold without fear.

But then it all happened so fast. Haven invaded, Corypheus appearing to claim her, and then there was snow. Everything was cold and she shivered, only vaguely remembering where she was and what had happened. 

She walked into the storm, the spirits guiding her. She relinquished control to Juhani and trusted in her to show her the way. In that possession, the spirits of love, friendship, and desire whispered what they could to her slowing mind. A few images came to mind, the spirits pleading with her to listen. She felt a warm hand on her face and the whispered words, "Trust in me." 

Rydda collapsed in the snow near the burning embers of a fire. She was felt someone carry her, but she didn't know who. She only knew that they were warm.

She woke in a makeshift camp and Mother Giselle helped her wash and eat. Rydda could feel that her bloods had come, but she only felt relief. 

By the time she had arrived at Skyhold, she felt stronger, healthier, and more focused on her dual purposes as era'dosa and as leader of the Inquisition. Some believed that Andraste saved her from the Fade, but Rydda knew that Juhani had saved her in the snowstorm. She would not doubt her again.

***

Now settled into the fortress, Rydda reexamined her efforts to become with child. Her preferred paramours were becoming less and less likely candidates. Cullen had grown more content and was becoming close with Dorian. Varric had taken her advice and wrote two letters once they arrived at Skyhold: one to inform his on and off again lover that it was over and the second to ask his love to come be with him. Solas seemed to have lost interest and the initial connection had faded on her end as well. There were several others who she fell into bed with, but no one made the same impact as the night she had spent with Blackwall at Haven.

She felt almost nervous coming to see him in the stables. Shy, even. He did not notice her at first, working at his woodcarving. He looked up at her and smiled.

"This place suits you," she commented, glancing around. "You look at peace here."

Blackwall admitted, "I feel it. I think if I was the man I am now at twenty, I would have become a carpenter."

She sat down on a bale of hay beside him. "What were you like at twenty?"

Blackwall chuckled. "An asshole. You wouldn't have liked him very much."

Blackwall looked into her eyes and her stomach tightened. "My Lady, I think I know what you have come to ask me. I am not a gossip, you know that, but I have learned more about the goddess you serve and your purpose among us."

"I kept no secrets from you," she said defensively. 

"I am not angry with you," he promised. "It is not that..."

Her heart sank in her chest. "Do you not want me?"

"Maker, do not look at me like that. I only wanted to say this. I care for you, but I could not give you what you need. My life is sworn to the Grey Wardens but I had a child, I would leave everything behind for both of you. And I cannot. We both have duties and we would only hurt each other by pretending otherwise."

Rydda felt numb and she agreed without speaking, just nodding along. She could not be angry with him, she just felt sad. She found Cassandra and the two sparred for a time. She knew she should be finding a partner, but her heart was too sick. She could give herself one day to mourn, but that was all she could afford to give.

***

Varric's friend, the Corypheus expert, brought a small entourage with him. Hawke had brought Merrill, who apparently was the girl Varric had written to. The pair snuck off to talk, leaving Rydda with Hawke and his brother Carver. The Champion of Kirkwall spent the afternoon chatting with her on the parapets. He occasionally would look over at his severe brother, who alternated between staring at Rydda with lust and at Hawke with pure ire.

Hawke was called away to speak with Leliana and suddenly Rydda was alone with Carver on the walls of Skyhold. She judged his face carefully. There was no connection other than raw need, but maybe that was enough. 

She started walking towards her chambers and Carver followed, his hand moving to the small of her back. She let it linger even as they reached the steps to her rooms. Carver picked up her amulet, holding it between his fingers. 

He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "I'll give you everything you want. I'll make you come again and again on my fingers until you beg for my cock. Then when I finally give it to you, you're going to forget about every other man who ever touched you. You're going to scream my name until you're hoarse. You want me to treat you right, baby?"

She was not sure how much she wanted this man to be a father for her child, but he was handsome enough and clearly had something to prove. They were using each other and that was not healthy, but at least it was honest.

They didn't actually make it to her chambers and he had her on the stairs, his hands grasping at her as she tried not to hit her head on the steps. He was certainly well endowed, but his technique was lacking. He spilled into her and she kissed him lightly before excusing herself. 

It was impish of her, she knew, but she felt better when the elder brother was beneath her that night, gripping the sheets as she rode him. Hawke was loud and she half worried he too was trying to show off. This session ended better, but was still not particularly pleasurable. Disappointed, she kissed him good night and returned to her bed alone. 

***

She told the Iron Bull about these encounters on their way to Northern Ferelden and he laughed, shaking his head.

"I could have told you about that, Boss," he said. "Boys playing as men. You're not some battleground for them to have a pissing contest over. You're a damn hot woman and they should be grateful that you even look at them. If you didn't need to get up the spout so bad, you wouldn't even look at them, would you?"

She shrugged. "Maybe?"

Bull said, "You've got to be a bit more choosy. Quality over quantity. Pick a guy you like and fool around with him for a while instead of just taking random shots. If you're going to be raising his kid, you should at least like the look of him."

"But I've been here nearly three months," she sighed. "I need to keep trying." 

"For fun, let me pick out the next one. I think I've figured out your type now."

"Have you?" She asked cheekily.

"Oh yeah. You're going to love him."

"And if he's not interested in me?"

"Boss, I haven't met a straight man who didn't turn his head when you walk by. If he's not into you, his loss for missing out on the most gorgeous woman alive."

She blushed slightly and Iron Bull called out, "Krem! You owe me ten silvers!"


	6. Chapter 6

When they met the Warden Loghain, Iron Bull glanced at Rydda, bouncing his eyebrows. Rydda made a face at him and tried to listen to the information being presented to her.

After their meeting was over, Hawke attempted to make a move on Rydda but she politely declined. He seemed not to be phased and went on his merry way. Her party set up camp and Rydda went to see Loghain in his hideout.

The man was certainly handsome, even if he was nearly thrice her senior. What struck her most was the same pain that she had felt with Alistair. She realized it was the Calling that she had felt before, that existential angst Wardens felt when the time for them to die was approaching. Loghain bore it well, perhaps because he knew he was living his duty the best he could. Perhaps because he had been given an extra decade and was humble enough to offer it back.

"Is there something I can help you with, Inquisitor?" He asked politely.

"A few months ago I met another man living with the Calling," she said. "I helped ease him of his burdens for a time, helped his body to heal a little. I can feel how tired you are, feel how weary. Maybe there is something I can do to help."

Loghain said, "I appreciate the offer, but I will be fine. This is nothing that teas and herbs can help with. I will bare it until either Corypheyus lies dead or I do."

"You do not fear it?" She asked.

"Death is only pain and I can live with pain," he said gently. "You do not need to concern yourself with me, my Lady. If you took on the suffering of every man in these times, your heart will surely break."

"Not every man," she said, "but I could take on yours."

She came closer to him, putting her hand on his chest. She had to look up to see into his eyes and she found she liked it. He took her hand and kissed it before stepping away.

"You can leave an old man with his burdens," he said, "you do not have to take pity on me. Let us work together as colleagues and be done with this."

Rydda apologized, "I did not mean to make you uncomfortable."

He chuckled. "You make me far from uncomfortable, Inquisitor. I just know my own limits. I am not a man who goes to bed easily and I am not one who can do so without growing too fond of a pretty face."

"It's the end of the world, Loghain," she said. "We should take our pleasures where can find them. We could bring each other some peace."

Loghain kissed her cheek and whispered into her ear, "Then not here, pet. I will not have my way with you in this place. When we reach Skyhold, I will be yours for as long as you have want of me."

Rydda shivered as Loghain walked out of the cave. She followed a few moments later, blushing when Iron Bull gave her a thumbs up. He mouthed, "Told you."

***

Rydda purposely did not take another lover in the week before she and Loghain were reunited. Iron Bull said he was very proud of her chastity and that he slept with eight people in her honour. She told him that he was the worst.

She had tried to rationalize with herself how poor an idea this was. She had only guessed that she had helped Alistair become fertile again and Loghain was significantly older. Rydda wanted him because he was dark haired, strong, and had much of the qualities she had looked for in a Lowlander. She cared for him, but she knew she would never love him, and duty would take him away before it was an issue regardless. It was a good match, if it could be successful.

Rydda bathed and dressed in nothing but a sheer robe. She reclined on the chaise in her room and waited for a knock at her door. 

She was almost dozing when someone finally arrived. She opened the door to find Loghain still in his riding clothes. He began to apologize and then realized that she was standing nearly naked before him. 

He slammed the door behind him and picked her up, carrying her up the stairs and into her bed. He kissed her hard, undressing as quickly as he could. She helped the best she could, getting fooled by the various belts and loops of Lowlander clothing. They were both laughing by the time he finally got naked and both were too giddy at first to take the act seriously.

He touched her for a time, playing with her sex with his fingers until they both caught their breath and focused on the other. When she grew close, he rolled on top of her and entered her slowly. She kept her arms over her head and he linked his fingers with hers. His thrusts were shallow and teased her, keeping her right on the edge. She whimpered, pleading with him.

He let go of her hands and she arched her back, pushing herself onto him. He groaned and kissed her neck before flipping her onto her belly and slamming himself into her from behind. She went onto her knees, laying her head low and he slammed her into the mattress, her hard nipples brushing the sheets. 

He played with her breast in his hand, rubbing one peak between his fingers. She groaned and he thrust harder into her. She cried out, shaking.

"That's it," he grunted. "Come for me, pet. Scream for me."

One of his hands gripped her hair and she shuddered, every sensation driving her to the climax just out of her reach. 

"Come for me or I'll waste my seed on your sheets," he warned. "And I know you want me as your stud. You desperate little thing. It's all about what you need, so damned focused on getting full with child. You should be lucky to have me screwing you and you're too damn spoiled to give me the only thing I want from you."

He whispered discreetly, "Too much?"

Rydda grinned into the sheets and whispered back. "Keep going."

Loghain slipped back into character. "You want me you have to earn it. I thought you were a good girl, thought you listened. Earn it, pet. Come on my cock now or I'll finish on these tiny little teets of yours."

She pleaded, "Loghain, I don't know if I can. I'm so close, but I can't."

"You can do it, pet. Focus. You'll look so gorgeous ripe with my child. Your breasts full of milk. Your belly swollen, claimed by me. I'll still want you then, want you more then. Use you like you used me. You want me? Prove it. Say my name."

"Loghain," she begged, "please, please..."

He slipped his hand from her breast to her sex and within a few quick strokes she was gone, careening in his arms, screaming his name until she was hoarse. He reached his own peak and pounded into her until his seed dripped down her throbbing and aching sex.

She lay on her back and tried to catch her breath. Loghain knelt just above her and kissed her belly tenderly.

"I was told of your convictions on my way to Skyhold," he said almost shyly. "If you are in need of help conceiving, well, let us just say it is not the first time I have helped someone in that department. If you'll have me, of course. I would be no father figure, but it sounds like you do not require one." 

She kissed him. "I think we'll work together nicely." 

***

Loghain stayed with them for about six days before the army marched for Adamant. He had her as often as he could, eager to uphold his end of their arrangement. She did everything she could to encourage fertility from spells to elixirs to prayers to meditations. She could not know for certain, but she knew it would not be from lack of trying.

***

Rydda was perhaps the least disturbed upon realizing they were walking through the physical Fade. She had been communing with spirits since she was a child. Seeing where they lived was living visiting an aunt in a tribe far away. A bit of a culture shock, but she was more curious than anything else.

Iron Bull, on the other hand, looked like he had gone three shades paler and was cursing consistently under his breath. She stayed close to him, communing with the spirits to back off and leave him alone. 

They went further into that foreign world and the Nightmare reached out to them, taunting them. Rydda tried not to listen, if only to protect the privacy of those she travelled with. But then it called to her. 

"Ah, Inquisitor, the soft little girl given an army to lead. Oh Rydda An Homalea O She-Bear, you think yourself a favourite child of a goddess that is nothing but a lie. You're nothing but a whore of the Avvar, built to breed like an animal, to pleasure your betters. And you can't even do that, can you? How many men have you soiled yourself with and still produced no child? Do you think any of them gave a second thought to you after they had their way with you? No one respects you, not even your false gods."

A hand protectively went on her shoulder. She expected it to be Loghain but realized it was Iron Bull. She looked up at him and he gave her a quick smile and made an obscene gesture towards the endless sky. 

"And then we have the Tal-Vasoth himself. Do you really think yourself a man? You lost yourself once, Iron Bull. The madness will return, one way or another. What will save you now if you forsake Qun? Love? Ah, but there is the bud of hope soon to be crushed. Do you really think someone could love a creature like you? A broken pathetic beast pretending to be a man?"

Iron Bull let go of her and kept his hand on his sword. 

"Do you fancy yourself a knight then, Hissrad? Do you think you can step from life into another so easily? Come and fight me then, rescue your princess, and perhaps you can pretend for another moment you are in control of this story."

The demon moved onto the others, but Iron Bull remained by her side, staying vigilant to all around them. It was the first time she had been able to sense his era'do and it bristled like a cat brushed the wrong way. But that was all it gave.

And when they faced the terrible creature and she was forced to choose, she realized that she was potentially sending the father of her child to his death. She chose as Inquisitor and Hawke gave his life to protect them. She would have died in his place if it were not for Iron Bull dragging her back into the light.

When they returned to the real world, she started sobbing and he held her to him, his hand protectively on her back. They parted as Loghain stormed towards them. 

"Did you choose me because I was your lover?" He asked angrily.

"No," Rydda insisted. "I chose you because the Grey Wardens need a leader. Hawke knew it too. I would not have left him if I did not feel his peace with it."

"Of course. Did you commune with him as easily as with me? Did you practice your little act on him before you came to me? If I hadn't pleased you, would you have left me to die instead?" 

Iron Bull snapped, "That is enough. We all would have died in that hellhole if it weren’t for her. The Inquisitor just saved every Grey Warden that still lives in this country. She deserves your respect and your loyalty. If you don't start showing it, the Grey Wardens are going to need a new leader. Got that?"

Loghain's face softened. "Forgive me, my Lady."

He kissed her cheek. "Duty brings us apart, but at least you have made my burdens easier. I can protect my Order with a clear head and heart. Forgive me."

Rydda murmured, "It's fine. Good luck, with everything."

Her heart was heavy and she wanted to cry. She wouldn't let herself and wandered through the camp, watching as the Wardens packed their gear and prepared for the east. She thought of an old war song, but she had no singing voice, so she recited it as a poem, looking out onto the sands as the first of the Wardens began their march.

Rydda held her amulet in one hand and rested the other on her belly. She knew in her heart that she had not ripened and she felt ashamed. It was a thing that was so easy for so many. And she had done everything she could with Loghain. Drank the right elixirs, lay in the right ways, whispered the right words. But Juhani had forsaken her just as the demon said.

The rest of its words shook through her, each a blow to her heart. It was right, it was right about near everything. She had failed.

A spirit coaxed beside her, offering insight. She allowed it to pass through her and it sang an old song to her of star-crossed lovers on opposite sides of the battlefield. Others of its ilk joined in the song until Rydda nearly wept with the beauty of it. 

They faded and left her on the ramparts, the desert wind embracing her naked body. She saw a few lingering Wardens and her companions camping just outside the fortress. As if he somehow knew, the Iron Bull looked up and saw her.

He cupped his hands around his mouth and called out, "Nice tits!"

Rydda laughed and dressed, coming down to meet her friends. She sat with Bull while the group ate together. Bull offered first watch and Rydda took the opportunity to have a tent to herself. Having decided that one partner was in fact a foolish idea, she had four different Wardens that night, each sneaking into her tent as if his brothers and sisters were naive.

The Wardens stayed behind to guide stragglers to their new post and the Inquisition agents started to head back to Skyhold, the large army having already departed in sections since the battle had ended. 

It was a long road back to the castle and Rydda took opportunity at every stop to find someone to lie with. Cassandra had become comfortable enough with her to lovingly tease her about it and after a long conversation, Cassandra shared some of her books with her. 

It did not surprise Rydda that Varric was such a romantic and thought back fondly to their own night together. All in all, she did not regret most of her partners, though she would always feel badly about some. In the end though, it would be best if from now on she focused on single nights and stop fixating on...

What was she fixating on? Love? She had thought once she was falling in love with Blackwall, but the infatuation had passed them both and left only fondness. She had not thought that love was important to her, yet as she read the silly romance novels out in the courtyard, she began to wonder. Her plan had to be to return home, to raise her child among her people, and to find a new lover for each child that followed. 

But she ached for something that she could not quite name. Maybe there wasn't a word for it in her tongue. It was selfish to focus on where there was so much that depended on her, but it nagged at her, like a pixie tugging at her ear. 

When she had been alone in the blizzard, Juhani had said to trust her. Rydda couldn't help but worry that there was something she was missing, something that was given to her that she had not understood. _Trust in me._

Rydda would try, but she knew she was failing. When her bloods came again, she felt like she had disappointed Juhani once more.


	7. Chapter 7

Rydda had rededicated herself to her practice. She abstained from alcohol, only ate what was hunted by clansmen or grown from their fields. And only seduced Inquisition agents, which still gave her a great variety of choices. She ritually cleansed herself at least once a day and prayed after every sexual encounter. She could at least do this, at least make an effort to appease Juhani even as she lived more and more like a Lowlander. 

The numbness of the stone walls made her feel further detached and she jumped at the opportunity to travel with Iron Bull to the Wounded Coast. Yet what happened...what he had given up...

The Chargers drank and ate and enjoyed themselves in the tavern, unaware of how close they had nearly lost their lives. Rydda was flirting with a pair of sailors when she saw Iron Bull, looking as if he were not sure if he should get her attention. She excused herself and went over to him.

"You okay?" She asked.

"No," he admitted. 

"You want to get some air?" 

He nodded. "Yeah. Drinking's not helping."

They sat behind the back of the building. Rydda offered him some of her water, but he refused.

"How was it going with those two blokes? One of them had such gorgeous skin. If you're not into him, I'll happily take him for the night. Nothing better than a sailor on leave. Might be just what you need."

Rydda shrugged. "To be honest, I'd rather spend time with you."

He smiled briefly. "Well, your loss."

Rydda touched his arm. "Bull..."

"I know the speech you're going to give me," he muttered. "I did the right thing, it doesn't change who I am, all that shit. I appreciate it, but it's not helpful."

"I was going to say that I understand," she said. "I know what it's like living among foreigners when you have a duty to your people. Then sometimes...sometimes you think you're losing your way because you care too much. I know how hard that was for you. I know someone might think that choice was easy because of how much you love your men. But it's hard to give up your people for love."

Bull put his arm around her shoulders. "If the Qun told me I got to have unprotected sex with any man I wanted, I probably wouldn't be too quick to leave."

"It's tiring, but someone's got to do it."

He laughed and nuzzled into his shoulder.

His voice grew softer. "Do you think if you ever had to pick..."

"I don't know what the equivalent would be," she admitted, "but...maybe. I think it depends on what it was for."

"For love?" He asked.

For the second time in their relationship, she could sense his era'do. His defenses were down, but only a touch. It was if the wall he held between them had sunk an inch into the mud and if she stood on her tiptoes she could sneak a glance over. Yet she still couldn't understand much. She sensed his sadness, but a child could have picked up on that. 

She realized he was still waiting for her answer.

She said softly, "Maybe. I think it's something you don't know until you're right there and facing it. But I think I would. I'd rather walk away from the Avvar then truly hurt someone I loved."

"I hope you never have to find out, Boss," he said. "It blows."

He drank a little of her water and frowned. "How could people drink Ferelden water? It tastes like dogs swam in it on a summer's day."

"It's better in the mountains," she promised. "I'll take you one day to my clan if you'd like to see it. Sometimes you have to break through the ice to get water and you've never drunk anything so refreshing in your life."

"I'd probably have to wear a shirt though."

"Maybe not. You should see some of my clansmen. You wouldn't stand out."

"Now you're just being mean," he teased. "No one has muscles like me."

He rubbed at the cord wrapped around his horn. "Thing's getting itchy. That's usually a sign it's time for bed. Better to get in now anyways before my boys take up the whole thing and I'm stuck on the floor."

He stood up and helped her to her feet. "You should find those sailors before they sneak off. Two for one deal."

She felt reluctant to leave him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I promise."

"Was that a wink or are you falling asleep?"

He yawned. "Both. Night, Boss."

"Night, Bull."

***

There was little that terrified her more than the upcoming Ball at the Winter Palace. Rydda had no idea what to expect besides that every noble there had heard about her divine purpose, misunderstood it, and thought she was a prostitute. This was not an insult to her, of course. There was nothing wrong with the trade. It was how Lowlanders treated them. No one deserved that. 

When Gaspard extended his invitation to her, she knew what unspoken arrangement came with it. She agreed, not particularly caring at this point. The whole thought of sex was making her feel numb. 

The actual night of the Ball, Rydda felt like every eye was on her. Even she could hear the not so subtle whispers of the court, all expecting a potential heir of Orlais to be conceived that night, if it hadn't been already. 

She was afraid. Incredibly afraid and lonely and so far out of her element she felt like a sheep among wolves. She spent far too much time hiding and she knew she gained no love from the court for it.

When all was said and done and the civil war quelled, there were three victors. The peace would not last, but Rydda did not care. After the Breach was contained, Orlais could be wiped from the earth and she would not shed a tear. 

She slipped away from the party and found a quiet space on a balcony. She heard someone approaching soon after, but she was relieved to see that it was Iron Bull.

"You doing okay?" He asked.

She shook her head. "No, but I'll be fine soon."

"You're missing a hell of a party," he pointed out. "I'm pretty sure you could land any guy in there right now. Baby making city."

Rydda laughed tiredly. "I've already got a dance partner tonight." 

"Do the Avvar do much dancing?" He teased. "It seems too civilized for you."

"I think we're more like the Qunari," she replied. "When we want to celebrate, we skip right to the fun parts."

Iron Bull laughed. "And when that's not an option?"

"Bull, are you asking me to dance with you?"

He cleared his throat. "Well...I just thought it might be nice palate cleanser after everything we went through tonight. Everyone else is drinking themselves stupid and the band is still playing. And you did all those lessons, might as well use them."

He offered his hand and she took it. "You realize I wasn't taught to lead."

Iron Bull admitted, "I may have taken the odd lesson myself. There were a lot of times in Seheron we were stuck in foxholes for days. You get squirrely unless you do something. A few guys had been stationed further south or were converts. So, I figured what the hell."

Despite his size, he was light on his feet and easily moved led them into a waltz. He was definitely better than her, she didn't mind admitting that. And it was...nice. She could see why a Lowlander might find this romantic.

"Is this one of your moves?" She asked.

He shook his head. "Nah, Boss, this is just for you."

Rydda smiled. "I don't know why I ever did to deserve a friend like you."

The music went on and Iron Bull said nothing, but he looked as if he was about to. She waited patiently, comfortable in their silence together.

Finally he asked, "So you ever figure out the deal with my era'do?"

Rydda shook her head. "I think you're too complicated for a quick fix, Bull."

"Shit, and here I thought I was just a lughead."

She giggled as the song came to an end. She shivered and he took off his jacket to put around her shoulders. It looked clownishly big on her, but she snuggled into it.

He grinned. "Looks good on you."

"Thank you," she said. "I think it'll make an excellent dress once it's taken in."

"Don't take it in too much. You don't have any clothes yet for when you're knocked up. That extra fabric's going to come in handy." 

She sighed. "If it ever happens."

Iron Bull took her hand and kissed it. Her heart fluttered. 

"Well, tonight may be the night," he said quietly. "Gaspard is waiting."

"I don't want to," she said suddenly, the truth coming to her as rapidly as she spoke. "I don't want to have him as my baby's father. After everything I've seen tonight, I don't want to do that to my daughter."

"Then don't," Iron Bull said.

"But he and I made a deal-"

"And you're altering it," Iron Bull said protectively. "No one's going to make you do anything you don't want to do, not even the damn Emperor of Orlais."

"We'd ruin the alliance."

"I don't care about the alliance," he argued. "I care about you."

He held her face in her hand. Her pulse quickened and she felt dizzy. They heard someone coming and he pulled away.

Josephine asked, "Inquisitor? The Emperor is ready to see you."

Rydda looked to Iron Bull and looked back to her diplomat. "I've changed my mind."

Josephine looked startled. "Oh...well, I...I do not mean to interrupt. I'll let his Majesty know, of course. I am sure it will not be a problem. Have a lovely evening."

She scampered away and Rydda blushed. "I think Josie might have gotten the wrong impression there. That may make the trip back home a little awkward."

Iron Bull laughed half-heartedly. "Yeah, well, it'll give her some fodder for the old spank bank. Or she'll spend the whole night planning out the logistics."

"It doesn't seem like it would be too difficult," Rydda said. "As far as I know all the important parts are the same."

Iron Bull cleared his throat. "We should get you up to your rooms. Gaspard might be pissed off and it might be good to keep out of the way until he cools down."

"We? Are you joining me?" She teased nervously.

"Didn't you see your diplomat's face? She'd died of shock. I can pick you out someone if you want though, Boss. I saw a guy with really nice blue eyes, looked decent with his hands."

Rydda shook her head. "This is an evil place, Bull. I do not want a life to start here. I'm just going to get some sleep. But...if you would stay with me...never mind, it's fine. You'll want to join the others."

"I'll stay with you, Boss," he offered. "It'd make me feel better too. I don't want to get wasted when you might need me."

They went up to the guest suites and into her rooms. Rydda changed out of the complicated Orlesian dress she hated so much. She thought about hanging it up, but then grinned and raced out naked to the balcony, threw it in the air and cast a fireball at it. It caught light quickly and fell to the ground. She leaned over the railing, watching it fall into a decorative pond. Two noblemen squeaked and jumped back, but still were soaked regardless.

Iron Bull said, "You know you'll make your poor spymaster cry. She loved that thing."

Rydda shrugged. "I'll get the quartermaster to get her one in her size."

Iron Bull seemed to suddenly realize she was naked and turned away. "You should go put something on, Kadan. You're offending my delicate sensibilities."

Rydda rolled her eyes and found a long shirt from her pack and a pair of the smallclothes that Josephine forced her to buy. She covered herself and lay on top of the blankets. 

"You never struck me as a prude, Bull," she teased, "and you've seen me naked before back at Adamant."

"You were a bit further away," he pointed out, "and I don't have much depth perception. You're a lot...fuller than I thought you were."

"I'll take that as a compliment," she said. "I'm decent, you know, you can look at me."

Iron Bull turned around and his mouth fell open slightly.

"You get that from the Commander?" He asked hoarsely.

"Yeah, months ago," she said nonchalantly. "It's cozy."

"Looks like it."

"Do you wear smallclothes?" She asked. "I never did until Haven."

"Weirdly enough, the Qunari are all over underwear. We like having a bit of security, I guess, keep everything tucked away. Maybe we've got too much to be swinging it around. Take an eye out."

She laughed and went to clean her teeth. When she had finished and washed up for the night, she came back to her bedroom to find Iron Bull leaning against the wall furthest from the bed.

"You okay?" She asked.

Iron Bull said weakly, "I'm fine. You go sleep. There's a few letters I wanted to write, I'll get to them in the other room. You holler if you need anything."

"Okay," she said, feeling oddly disappointed. "Night, Bull."

"Night, Boss."

 

_also now that we know Iron Bull's got some feelings here, I can finally share the song that inspired the title_  



	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fun fact: I was actually finished writing this fic when I started posting last night. My SO however was sleepy and cutely demanded it was time for bed. Happy spouse, happy house.

Not long after they returned to Skyhold, Rydda found Iron Bull waiting in her chambers. He practically jumped when she entered.

"You alright?" She asked.

"Good," he said unconvincingly. 

"You sure about that?" 

She waited anxiously as he paced around the room, scratching at where his horn met his scalp. He occasionally would look over at her, panic, and continue to pace. 

"Bull, whatever it is, you can talk to me about it," she promised. "Right now you're just making a hole in my floor."

Iron Bull finally stopped and took a deep breath. "Look, Boss, there's something I got to say, and I don't know how to, so I'm just going to come out and say it."

She barely managed to say, "Okay."

"I can't...I can't...look, I get what you're trying to do for your people and if anyone else knows duty and casual sex, it's me. But I can't joke about it anymore with you. I can't be around you when I know what you've been doing."

Her heart sunk in her chest. "Well, I know it's... I didn't mean to offend you."

"No," he protested, kneeling in front of her. "It's nothing you did wrong. I want you to be happy. I want you to have everything you want and it's...it's killing me that it's not me. I've liked you since I met you. You were cute, had a nice body, sweet smile. But it's more than that. You got to understand, Kadan, I have never felt this before. I don't know how to be rational or reasonable about this. I want you so badly it hurts. I can't think of anything but you. I have no right to be jealous, but every time I hear you moaning from your tent or see someone sneak out of your room in the morning, it breaks my heart."

She stroke his cheek and whispered, "Bull..."

"I want it to be me, Kadan, and I know it can't. Your people aren't going to want a kid who looks like me. But I made a promise to you and the Inquisition. So I'm going to stick around, but I can't...I can't be like we are right now."

He kissed her wrist and stood to leave. She rose and grasped his hand.

"Don't go," she pleaded.

"Kadan-"

She kissed him and it was if her world melted away, leaving only his body against hers. He kissed her in return, his hand going protectively to the small of her back.

"I want it to be yours," she confessed. "I don't want anyone else but you."

He whispered in her ear, "Are you sure that's what you want? Haven't you thought the same about other men here?"

"It's different with you," she murmured.

"And why is that, Kadan?" He asked. 

"Because I'm in love with you."

It was as a weight was lifted off her shoulders, the nagging feeling dissipated. Everything she had been struggling with finally made sense. This is what her body had known, even before her mind could comprehend. It was longing for him. His touch, his kiss. Her body was made for his.

She beamed as joy flooded through her. "I love you." 

He sighed into her neck and kissed her skin, nipping her with his teeth. She groaned and reached between his legs, feeling him hardening beneath her touch. 

He warned, "I can get a little rough. I want you to tell me if it's too much."

Rydda gripped his cock hard and he gasped.

She grinned. "I can too."

Bull growled, "Bed. Now."

She sauntered over, casting off the few furs she had been wearing. He stripped out of his clothes and the sight of him erect merely made her whimper. He had not been joking about why Qunari wear smallclothes. 

He chuckled, "Don't worry, I'm not just going to stick it in you."

He laid on his back and she straddled his hips. He grasped her thighs, nudging her back until her sex brushed against his lips. She moaned and hooked her legs under his horns, letting him push his tongue into her. She held onto the headboard and rode his face, his lips and tongue licking and sucking her until her nectar coated them. He groaned at the taste, drinking her, and she rolled her hips, desperate to bring him deeper into her. 

He lapped at her clit and brought it tenderly to his lips. He sucked and her legs started shaking. She cried out his name and he kissed and licked her folds until her orgasm faded enough for her to speak coherently again.

"Now?" She pleaded.

"Not yet," he whispered into her throbbing skin.

He helped her move onto her side and he spooned behind her, his cock thick and heavy against her back. He slipped his hand between her hands and teased her lips. He slipped in a finger and she moved, trying to gain some friction. Another finger entered her and she felt full. The third made her feel like she was about to fall apart.

He thrust them into her, stroking her, coaxing her, but she wanted more. 

"It feels good, Bull," she managed to joke, "but that's not how you get a girl pregnant. Do you need me to draw you a picture?"

He bit her shoulder and growled into her skin. "I'm doing this so I won't break you. I don't want you to pass out when I'm giving you what you want."

"I want you now," she groaned. 

He shifted her leg so the head of his cock pressed against her slit. She shivered and tried to grind against it. 

"You think you can take that?" He grunted. 

She nodded and he kissed the back of her neck. He slipped the tip into her and she cried out, linking her fingers with the hand cradled around her belly. She relaxed slightly, letting him deeper into her. He kissed her neck and whispered something in Qunlat before thrusting fully into her. She gasped and he held her breast in his hand, playing with the nipple as she adjusted to his girth.

He moved in her slowly, cradling her in his arms. He groaned, feeling down her hip and her thighs before moving back between her legs. He circled her clit lazily, letting the tension build slowly. 

"You feeling good?" He asked.

She practically purred in response and he buried himself into her. Her hold on his hand tightened as he thrust harder into her. His strokes grew more deliberate, her hard clit aching for release. 

He grunted in her ear, "I'm getting close. Do you still want-"

She hissed, "Don't you dare stop, Bull, I'm nearly there, just please, please!"

He gasped and slammed into her, grabbing her hips to thrust deeper. She finally reached her peak, luxuriating in it as Iron Bull started groaning her name, his cock pounding until her. His hot seed spurted into her and she moaned in relief, catching her breath.

He kissed her skin and whispered, "Okay?"

Rydda rolled over and kissed him hard. He kissed her back just as fiercely and ran his fingers through her hair.

He asked quietly, "Do you think we just made a kid?" 

Rydda smiled. "That's not actually how that works, Bull. It takes time and usually multiple attempts. Especially in my case it seems."

"Then how do we do it right?" He murmured. "Do your people have a way of making these things happen that you've kept hidden away?"

Rydda asked, "You're willing to go through religious rituals you don't believe in?"

He shrugged. "If that's what it takes."

"Well," she admitted, "there are a few traditional practices that I could incorporate. I never did before as to not scare off partners. And there is something you could drink to help boost your fertility. There are...side effects though."

"Am I going to turn into a toad?" He teased. 

"No," she said, "but it can you to get aroused more easily. I'm told it's very hard to focus when you're on it."

"Well, I am trying to knock you up," he pointed out. "I can handle it."

"There is a ritual I would like to try," Rydda said, "but I'm worried it'll make you laugh and you won't take me seriously."

He grinned. "I'm always game for some interfaith dialogue."

"So...we're doing this then?" She asked nervously.

He kissed her. "Go get your gear together or whatever you need to do. We're making a baby."


	9. Chapter 9

In the evening, Rydda went to Iron Bull in his room over the tavern. He was pretending to read, but she sensed he was too anxious to. She understood. She was barely holding it together as it was.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

"As ready as I'm going to be," he muttered. "Let's do this then."

She kissed him and a smile snuck across his lips. 

"Where do we start, Boss?" He asked.

"Undress," she instructed, "and then sit on the edge of the bed."

He did as she asked and she set out her bottles on his dresser. She stepped out of her own clothes and squeezed a bit of the shimmery lotion into her hands. She painted her breasts with it, the skin almost glowing by the lantern. 

"Can you take your patch off?" She asked.

Iron Bull did, slipping the cord off his horn. He looked up at her and she looked only briefly at his scarred skin before coating his chest in the same lotion.

"What's this one for?" Bull asked quietly.

"For your heart," she said. "It helps warm it. Normally it is very cold where we copulate, we need to keep the blood pumping."

When she was done, she took out another bottle. This liquid was thicker and smelled not unlike mead. She tasted a little on her tongue first, pleased that it had turned out well. 

"This is the potion I mentioned before," Rydda explained. "It will help with your virility. I warn you again though, it will stay in your system for some time."

Bull grinned. "Lucky you."

He drank it quickly and put it on the floor. "What else you got?"

"Where's your washbasin?" She asked.

He pointed to the corner of the room. She laid it before his feet and filled it with warm. She warmed it with her fingers before dipping a cloth into it. She cleaned his upper thighs, moving up to his cock, feeling it harden beneath her touch. He grunted, but he followed her lead. 

When he was clean, she opened the last bottle. A ruby red liquid, barely enough to fill a thimble, sloshed in the bottom. She poured it into her palm and prayed. 

"I am soil," she whispered. "I hold the making of life, the loam that all the world has been crafted from. Juhani, let this seed germinate in me. Let it grow until I am ripe for harvest and let this fruit of my body serve you for all its days." 

She poured the pomegranate juice in the hollow of her throat, letting it drip down her chest. She looked up at Bull and saw his cock almost purple with need.

"Please say I get to touch you now," he pleaded.

Rydda climbed into his lap, her sex brushing against him. He groaned but he did not move. She kissed him and pressed her forehead against his.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She whispered.

"More than anything, Kadan. Tell me what you need."

Rydda reached between them and grasped him. He growled as she stroked him.

"My people believe that passion makes a warrior's spirit," she said. "A child conceived will carry the essence of the parents in this most intimate moment. Be raw with me. Be vulnerable with me. Bring out the most fierce and animalistic needs in your body and our daughter will have the heart of a mountain lion."

"And you'll tell me to stop?" He asked. 

She kissed him. "Of course."

She led his cock into her, her body protesting slightly at the girth of him. He held onto her hips, pushing himself deeper into her. He shuddered beneath her, trying to hold in his grunt.

"You can speak," she teased. 

Iron Bull admitted, "If I do, I'm worried some filthy things are going to slip out and this is supposed to be sacred for you."

"Talk to me," she said. "We have to be open to each other. We have to be as close to our true natures as we can be. There is no censoring, no holding back."

He slammed her down onto him and held her flush to him. She felt absolutely full of him and glanced down, half expecting to see a bulge in her skin. Iron Bull cupped her face with one hand and the other stayed protectively on her hip. She kissed his hand, bringing a finger into her mouth. She sucked it as she started to ride him, shallowly, as she didn't have a lot of leverage against the bed. 

"Tell me how to be," he begged. 

She let go of his finger. "Be behind me. Juhani blesses those who remember their animal nature."

He growled low in his throat as she withdrew. Rydda went onto her knees, resting her elbows as sturdily she could in the surprisingly soft bed. Iron Bull knelt behind her and put his hand on the headboard.

It was almost obscene how easily he slid into her, her body so slick with need for him. He held her around her waist, holding her upright as he thrust into her. She gasped out, leaning into his arm, entrusting herself to him. 

He groaned her name, his hand sliding up to grasp her breast in his hand. 

"I'm sorry, babe," he groaned. "I'm gonna come."

He thrust into her slowly as he climaxed, picking up speed when he realized that he was just as hard as before.

Rydda grinned. "See? The Avvar know what they're doing."

Iron Bull slammed into her and she cried out. He bit lightly into her shoulder.

"I don't need your magic or your spirits," he growled. "I'm going to knock you up with just my cock and balls. You hear that, Boss? You should have just come to me. You'd already be bursting with my kid by now. You'd be so big you couldn't walk and your tits would be aching with milk."

She pleaded, "Bull, please don't stop."

He shifted his hand lower, his fingers brushing her clit. "How long we've known each other? Eight months? You'd almost be done now. Damn, Kadan, you'd look so gorgeous. I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you."

"I made a mistake," she moaned. "Forgive me."

"Still good?" He whispered. "I can't see your face."

She sighed happily. "Keep going."

"You're right," he grunted. "I don't know if you deserve this, but I'm going to give it to you. Because this is what I want, Kadan. I need to keep filling you up until I'm dripping down your thighs, until you can't walk. I need my half-Qunari bastard in you when the nobles try to kiss your ass. I need them to know who you belong to."

"I belong to you," she whimpered.

"That's right," he snarled. "You're mine. This pussy is mine. These tits are mine and that cute little mouth of yours is mine. I get to shoot my load wherever I want but I'll spend it between your legs. You going to take it like a good girl? You're not going to waste it, are you? No, no, my Rydda knows what she's built for. Breeding."

She knew this was part of the dirty talk, but it still sang true to her. Finally she was doing her purpose. She was going to get with child. If not tonight, soon. She'd give the Avvar children, bring fresh blood like they had never seen. They were going to be beautiful and strong and with their father's wit and courage, they would be unbeatable. They would be perfect.

"You gonna come for me?" Iron Bull grunted in her ear. 

"I'm close," she whispered.

He breathed out shakily and picked up his pace both in his thrusts and his rubbing of her clit. She held onto that edge, her entire body tensing with need, but unable to just let go. 

And something shifted. The world felt warmer, softer, and for the first time she fully felt Iron Bull's era'do. There was pain, yes, there was suffering and mourning. But almost all of that was outshone by one complicated and simple thing. He loved her. It radiated out of him, streamed from him like he was the sun and she a flower opening its petals to him. He loved her.

Somewhere in that realization she hit her peak and he rode with her through it, holding onto her as she was lost in her bliss. She started to snap out of it when his breath grew ragged. 

"My knees are killing me, Kadan," he admitted. "Give me a sec."

He withdrew and stood at the edge of the bed. She knelt before him and he entered her again, the whole bed shaking as he pounded her into it. He gripped onto her hips, his fingers breaking her skin. Her breasts bounced and she used one arm to support them, the other bracing herself against the bed.

He grunted, "Am I actually going to be done this time, Kadan?" 

She admitted, "I don't know."

He jutted forward and slammed into her, slipping slightly into the mattress. He thrust with little rhythm, desperate to be inside of her. He gushed into her, crying her name again and again. Even after his peak passed him, he was still as hard as a rock.

Rydda withdrew, her legs shaking. "Bull..."

He took himself in hand, jerking hard. She lay on her back, watching him. 

"I need to get off," he groaned in apology. 

She managed to stand and she kissed him, pushing him against the wall. He took the hint and spun them around. She wrapped her legs around him and he pummeled into her, his hand the only thing keeping her head from knocking against the wall. She held on, whispering his name in his ear. Her body shook with pleasure and whatever restraint he had was gone. He slammed himself into her.

He snarled, "If you're not going to let me do this myself, then I'm going to use you like you're my fist, Kadan."

She squeezed her thighs around him. "I think I feel a bit better than your hand."

He moaned, "You feel better than breathing." 

He held her tight to him and spilled into her once again. His erection finally started to abate, but he still wasn't done. He thrust still as his seed flooded into her. He gasped, bucking into her as his body finally released him from his need.

She looked into his eye and he kissed her tenderly. He brought her back down to the bed and laid on his back, pulling her onto his chest.

He tried to say something, but he had almost gone hoarse. She rolled over and gave him a drink of water from his end table. 

"Are you okay?" She asked.

He made a whimpering sound and groaned, "Are you kidding me? I just got off four times in less than a half hour. I don't think I can actually feel my balls anymore because there's nothing in them. I feel like I'm going to float away."

She snuggled into his chest. "Well, I'll take that as a yes."

"You almost make me wish I didn't knock you up just so I have to take that again."

Rydda smirked. "Well...you know my bloods aren't supposed to come for another two weeks. You could keep drinking the hunsah until we're absolutely sure..."

Iron Bull chuckled. "You could make a grown man cry talking like that. You better clear your schedule, Inquisitor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fun fact: I am not a curser. I ended up marrying a wee delicate flower and have essentially spent the last decade toning it down. Therefore, I find it really, really hard write Bull. I'm sorry.


	10. Chapter 10

Of course, Rydda could not just simply do nothing but have sex for half a month, but...it was a lot of what she did. Between meetings, Iron Bull would sneak into her office to have her on her desk. Or led her into a stairwell and press her against the stone. Poor Josephine had caught them in both locations. Multiple times. So far no one had found them in the Chantry, the library, or the parapets, but she suspected that Cullen had sent a missive out warning agents to leave them alone.

When she was late, she didn't say anything. It was Iron Bull who suspected first, claiming she didn't smell the same. But just in case, they continued their attempts with the same vigor.

Once a full month had gone by, Rydda was sure. She started to ripen, subtly enough that only those who knew her body intimately could see. Within a few weeks after that, Morrigan refused to let her drink from the Well of Sorrows, not knowing what might happen to the pregnancy.

Upon returning to Skyhold, Rydda announced her pregnancy to her advisors. If it had been a few months before, the scandal could have damaged everything. But as it was, it was the end of the world. No one seemed to care, other than to keep her safe.

Iron Bull was not there when she returned and she slept in his bed, waiting for him to come home. In the middle of the night, she stirred to his touch. He kissed her shoulder and slipped a pendant around her neck. She touched it, the shape odd to her at first.

"Is it some sort of tooth?" She asked.

"Half of one," he explained. "Qunari aren't great at talking about their feelings, but we have this old tradition. You cut a dragon tooth in half, clean it, and you give it to someone you care about. You wear the other half, so wherever you go, the other person knows you left your heart with them."

"Wait, did you kill a dragon? Without me?"

"Yeah, it was awesome, but that's not the point," he said. "I don't know what's going to happen before this is all over. But I want you to know...I want you and the kid to know that I love you both and I'd die before I'd let anything happen to my family."

"Bull," she assured, "it's going to be okay."

She curled up in his arms and kissed him. His hand brushed against her swollen belly and he let it rest there protectively.

"I love you," he said quietly. "You hold my heart, Kadan. Without you, I think I would die. Don't go where I can't follow."

"I'm not leaving you," she promised. "I'm by your side, even at the end of the world."

They made love slowly, tenderly, and Rydda's belly fluttered with life. In that moment, she felt the first waves of her child's era'do, the first beginnings of the soul growing aware of its new form. 

She didn't say this aloud to Iron Bull, but she felt as if he already knew.

***

After the war was over, a very heavily pregnant Rydda traveled to the village of her birth with her true love. To her surprise, Iron Bull was welcomed without question, many of the women absolutely fascinated by his horns.

Their son was born in the middle of the night, screaming loudly to the stars. He settled upon Rydda's breast and opened his eyes slightly, as if trying to recognize her. She grinned even as she cried.

Iron Bull held him while she was ritually washed and cleansed. All three slept in the same tent, their first child swaddled in a basket between them.

"A boy, eh?" Iron Bull said dreamily.

"Well, perhaps not," Rydda commented. "He may grow to realize that he is something else entirely and we shall love him no matter what."

"Still, odds are."

"Are you disappointed, Bull?" She asked.

"With you? Never," he teased. "You just had the most gorgeous child that has ever been born. Nah, I'm mad at me. I promised you a daughter."

"Well, you know what that means," she said. "We'll just have to keep trying."

"Kadan, you gave birth like three hours ago. Give me and my cock a break."

She covered her mouth with her hand, trying not to wake the baby with her laughter. Iron Bull did the same, biting on his fist. When both had caught themselves, Rydda curled onto his chest, moving the baby gently to the side. They both waited for their son to stir, but thankfully he kept sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I think I'm done writing smut for awhile. Like I was just so tired of it by the end and realized that I was repeating myself a little from "Play With Fire." So yeah. I'm going on vacation. *puts on sunglasses and takes out virgin margarita*


End file.
